Sport

"I've been hearing a lot about how the young kids like the dabbing nowadays, and I think they'll really feel pretty 'dabbed' about hearing a hip, cool announcer using their 'lingo' during the biggest television event of the year," Nantz was overheard telling a young intern with a media pass.

“This commissioner gig is pretty sweet if you can get it,” said Bettman. “I must admit, it certainly makes me chuckle thinking how mad Johnny must be, with his little serious cheeks, and that he’s too weak to summon the energy."

After making the fourth Super Bowl of his storied career, 39-year-old Denver Broncos quarterback Peyton Manning has told reporters that he is excited for an opportunity to take home a second title, promising that, if he were to win, he would be going to Disney World, where he would promptly "take a nice, long nap."

Witnesses at the high-end restaurant where the engagement occurred told media outlets that it was "sweet" and that when she said yes, everyone in the establishment broke into spontaneous applause, with only a few instances of diners wearing large novelty foam cheeseheads shouting things like, "His head clearly isn't in the game anymore" and "He hasn't been the same Rodgers since he shacked up with that Newsroom chick."

"The pain is unreal!" Butler shouted as he fell to the floor of the Wells Fargo Center's visiting team's locker room. "I knew this would happen eventually, but there was no way I could prepare for it."

"When the Browns hired me, a baseball executive from the moneyball movement who was the general manager of the Los Angeles Dodgers during their second worst season since 1958, to oversea the overhaul of the Cleveland Browns as their Chief Strategy Officer, answerable only to the team president, I knew that they were willing to get their team on track."

"It's really easy," said Urlacher. "You just take thousands of blades of grass from healthier areas of the field and insert them one-by-one in the bare areas."