Sport

"Derrick is in good spirits, and though it's impossible to imagine the pain and frustration he's going through, his knee looks great," said Dr. Hardaway, as he walked gingerly from the operating room. "I don't see why he wouldn't be able to play sparingly at about 60 percent of his ability for the next six years or so before he finally retires."

After yesterday's injury to Patrick Kane that could leave the NHL's point leader out until at least the playoffs, and the announcement that Derrick Rose was forced to undergo the third surgery on his knee in three years, all fans of Chicago sports franchises have been given a week off of work to grieve properly.

Just as suddenly as the Super Fans finished counting Mini-Ditkas and fell asleep, five million sports fans in the greater Chicago area awoke suddenly to a great disturbance in the Force. It was as if two life forces had been simultaneously snuffed out by the dark side.

"We got a call from the guys in the war room in Toronto, expressing concern that perhaps Chicago defensemen were under the illusion they weren't allowed to skate or pass the puck out of the zone," said an NHL spokesperson.

New Cubs skipper Joe Maddon brings with him a winning resume, but it's his ability to carry on normal -- and even interesting -- conversations that has some players on the team truly flustered.

New York Yankees third baseman Alex Rodriguez issued a hand-written apology to Yankee fans, the Steinbrenner family and his teammates for having dated plastic surgery-ridden, post-menopausal pop star Madonna.

Citing a long season and the desire to keep one of his marquee players healthy for the playoffs, Chicago Bulls head coach Tom Thibodeau stated that he would be placing All-Star guard Jimmy Butler on...