NHL

The sports world was rocked Sunday night when pictures of Blackhawks star and noted partier Patrick Kane began circulating the web. Unlike previous photos that depicted Kane getting drunk with strippers or college girls, the latest batch featured the young Hawk enjoying a nice Merlot with a woman within a year of his own age.

Jealous Patrick Kane's reckless party animal persona, Jonathan Toews decided to let his hair down this Mother's Day weekend in Branson, Mo., the town Bart Simpson once described as "Like Las Vegas if Ned Flanders ran it."

“Patrick Kane is not of sound moral fiber,” said Captain America. “In fact, he is kind of a douche. We can’t have our superheroes uttering anti-Semitic remarks and choking 18-year-old girls at college parties.”

The planned league has the tentative name "Professional All Ball," and will contain elements of the four major sports; baseball, football, basketball, and hockey. Game play will require considerably less contact, and more “good old fashioned fun.”

"As you can tell from the photos, I was partying my balls off all day and got a little tired," said Kane, "but I wasn't passed out. I was just taking a quick nap. I'm not some candy-ass who can't handle his booze or something."

"Man, that's embarrassing," said one fan, seen shaking his head outside the Finch and Bull Pub. "As an Irish guy from South Boston, I was always proud of Willie O'Ree and Terry O'Reilly. Now I guess I'm just proud of O'Reilly."