A new grassroots sport is gaining steam as an increasing number of athletes hit the disabled list with concussions. Professionals who have suffered head trauma from all across the sport spectrum are joining forces to start the “mother of all sports leagues.”
The planned league has the tentative name “Professional All Ball,” and will contain elements of the four major sports; baseball, football, basketball, and hockey. Game play will require considerably less contact, and more “good old-fashioned fun.”
“I love the NHL, but I just can’t take the bumps and bruises anymore,” said perpetually concussed Penguins star Sidney Crosby. “All Ball will allow me to branch out into other sports as well as hockey. I just hope the refs in this league also take bribes.”
The proposed “All Ball” is already being compared to the XFL by some, but those involved insist this won’t be a one season wonder.
“We’re working on the patent for the ball right now,” said the league’s commissioner, former NHL All-Star Pat LaFontaine, himself a frequent concussion sufferer. “The rules are still being planned, but there will be goals, baskets, fences and uprights, so prepare yourself for an all out sports orgy … no soccer.”
LaFontaine went on to say that games will be played in an arena setting with scoring rules borrowed from all the sports involved. The hope is to hold the inaugural season in 2015 with six teams, all in major markets.
“All Ball is an outstanding idea, and will help further the very important movement to ‘pussify’ the American child,” said former Jets receiver Wayne Chrebet, who hopes to play in the league. “I’d rather my kids play this then put the pads on and play tackle football. Also, this is a great way to remain relevant. Do you remember me?”
MLB sluggers Justin Morneau, and Jason Bay have already signed letters of content to play in the PAB, while others plan to join as soon as they remember how to sign their names. Retired pros Steve Young and Eric Lindros have thrown their hats into the ring in hopes of coming aboard as coaches.