NFL

Tragedy struck the popular CBS reality show "Undercover Boss" Sunday afternoon when Redskins owner Daniel Snyder, posing as a backup quarterback for the team, was killed in the final seconds of the first half during Washington's game against the Giants.

“It’s hard to believe he didn’t see the veggies, as they were sitting right next to the beer and brats in the fridge,” said his wife Allison. “Mr. 350 Cholesterol didn’t forget the potato chips and beef jerky, that’s for sure.”

Since his hire, Rex Ryan has made more controversial comments than any other NFL coach, and has never shown an ounce of remorse—until now. At his pre-game press conference Saturday, Ryan announced he would be turning over a new leaf.

At the announcement, ESPN addressed the situation: “We’re aware of the concern, but Jon Gruden carries a considerable fan club of strange women over 40 and that demographic can’t be ignored.”

"You could comb through my archives and see that I never mentioned Cobb in any of my 75 insightful preseason posts this summer," wrote Yahoo! Sports Fantasy Football Reporter Cody Findlay. "But this morning I'm going to go on the record and boldly state anyone who didn't play Cobb last night is a true moron."

“It’s so annoying,” said Eli during a press conference Thursday. “Peyton gets all of this attention because of his stupid neck. I have a neck too! I can get hurt too! You watch. I know I can get hurt."

Already highlighted by contract disputes with stars Matt Forte and Lance Briggs, the Bears off-season became even more tumultuous Friday when top-selling Solider Field beer vendor Stan Garman publicly demanded a contract extension of his own.