NFL

Sunday's Bears-Packers game is getting the A-team treatment from Fox, meaning 81 percent of the country will be tuning into Joe Buck and Troy Aikman's call. While we would never predict a winner or score of a game, unless it were for wagering purposes, one thing is certain: The same old tired cliches, worn-out subjects and visuals will be on full display in this "storied rivalry" (there's a freebie right there). Print out and play along!

"Simpson's career might be up in smoke and I just wish he would have thought of all his fantasy owners before making such a stupid decision," wrote Yahoo! Sports Fantasy Football Reporter Cody Findlay.

"I've seen people wearing shirts that say Jesus hates both the Packers and the Bears, so I consulted His Holiness for clarification in my prayers this morning," said O'Malley. "Through His graciousness and kindness, Jesus replied to me that it's the Packers, not the Bears, that bear the weight of his scorn and hatred."

“We have to protect Jay [Cutler],” said Martz. “And what better way than the triple-flea-flicker-draw? First you think it’s a run, then a pass, then a run … then wait, Jay has it again? Finally Forte runs it right up the gut. Now that’s what I call balance.”

"Listen, if Tim Tebow ordered that meal, he'd go with a Spicy Chicken sandwich meal," said one frustrated fan who witnessed the incident. "Maybe he'd even get chili as a side. That's the kind of order that inspires leadership. That’s the kind of order that can push a team to victory."

Green Bay linebacker Clay Matthews has announced that on Sunday, for the second time in his life, he will braid his hair into pigtails. The previous braiding was done for some glamour shots he took back in college.

The Jets’ Antonio Cromartie is one of the most electric cornerbacks in the NFL. He’s also the league’s most fertile man. In an effort to remain close to his children, Cromartie announced a plan to buy a Pop Warner team for them to play on together.