Following a game in which he called just 11 rushes against 52 passes, Bears offensive coordinator Mike Martz agreed to balance things out, but only if the runs were insanely complicated trick plays.

“We have to protect Jay [Cutler],” said Martz. “And what better way than the triple-flea-flicker-draw? First you think it’s a run, then a pass, then a run … then wait, Jay has it again? Finally Forte runs it right up the gut. Now that’s what I call balance.”

In addition to the triple-flea-flicker-draw, Martz has developed five different kinds of reverses – one of which involves both offensive tackles – and a slew of complex sweeps and backward passes.

“Hey – a backward pass is the same as a handoff!” snapped Martz. “Don’t be wasting one of my agreed-upon 20 pass plays on a rush by calling it something it’s not.”

When asked why he hated normal running plays so much, Martz shrugged.

“I just don’t see what that does for my legacy,” he said.

Heckler George