Monday, July 15, 2024

NBA preview: Cleveland Cavaliers

Why They Might Be Good: Exceedingly wealthy future Hall-of-Famer LeBron James told his teammates that if they help him get to the Eastern Conference finals, he’ll give them each a check for $3 billion, leaving him with a personal bank account of just over $16 quintillion.

NBA preview: Charlotte Bobcats

Why They Might Be Good: Creaky Charlotte co-owner Michael Jordan will not be taking the court. "I very badly wanted to play," Jordan griped. "I'm in great shape. I've never shot better. But [Bobcats majority owner] Robert Johnson said that if he sees me in a pair of sneakers, he'll club me like a baby seal." Also, oddly versatile swingman Gerald Wallace is a legitimate threat to get a sextuple-double each night.

NBA preview: Boston Celtics

Why They Might Be Good: The Celts have five point guards with the talent to start – Delonte West, Sebastian Telfair, Tony Allen, and rookies Rajon Rondo and Allan Ray – and one would assume that at least two of them are bound contribute on a nightly basis. Maybe. Possibly. Theoretically. Plus at some point around January, Paul Pierce will go on a tear in which he scores 164 points in four consecutive games.

‘Reign Man’ rains on Bulls parade

Shawn Kemp's comeback tour looks like it's over before it started. The former Seattle Supersonic skipped a scheduled tryout with the Chicago Bulls yesterday, citing travel problems.

NBA preview: Atlanta Hawks

This is the first in a series of 43 (or however many teams there are now) NBA Previews exclusively from The Heckler's NBA beat writer Alan Goldsher. We start at the bottom with the lowly Atlanta Hawks, whom unfortunately no longer have Dominique Wilkins.

O Captains, My Captains

SAPPORO, Japan – In gearing up for the FIBA World Championships, Team USA showed remarkable unity during their exhibition victories over Puerto Rico, Brazil, China, Lithuania and Korea. But yesterday Coach Mike Krzyzewski single-handedly destroyed any sense of team harmony when he named Carmelo Anthony, Lebron James and Dwyane Wade the team's tri-captains.

Baxter busted taking shots near the White House

Former Chicago Bulls forward Lonny Baxter was arrested Wednesday by Secret Service agents after attempting to pop a cap in the White House's ass. Shots were fired from a white SUV driven by the chunky 27-year-old at the intersection of 17th and I Streets in downtown Washington D.C., only two blocks away from the White House. It is uncertain whether the gat was squeezed by the ex-University of Maryland standout or his passenger, 35-year-old Irvin Martin.