This is the first in a series of 43 (or however many teams there are now) NBA Previews exclusively from The Heckler’s NBA beat writer Alan Goldsher. We start at the bottom with the lowly Atlanta Hawks, whom unfortunately no longer have Dominique Wilkins.

Why They Might Be Good: Non-chest-hair-having forwards Josh Smith and Marvin ‘Don’t Call Me Webster’ Williams are expected to hit puberty – and possibly lose their virginity – by November. Ever-improving guard/forward Joe Johnson finally read his contract, and realizes he’s stuck in Georgia for six more years, and figures he might as well make the best of it.

Why They Might Suck: In spite of the fact that he hasn’t hit a shot outside of eight feet since grade school, it looks like 6′ 9″ first round draft pick Shelden Williams is going to be their most reliable post presence. Also, the team’s ad campaign revolves around the phrase, “Defense, schmefense.”

The Dude Other Than Johnson Who I Want on My Fantasy Team: Josh Childress.  He’s James Worthy Lite. He’s Scottie Pippen without muscle tone. And he’s the only guy in the entire state of Georgia who can help you in more than two fantasy categories.

Bottom Line: Frustrated Hawks owner Michael Gearon said, “Last season, our average attendance was 521. And that was with me actually trying. Now I’m all like, screw this.  If nobody comes to the games when we don’t stink quite as badly as we did the year before, what’s the point getting better?” Coach Mike Woodson said, “I hate my life. Kill me. Kill me now.”

heckler editorial staff