Former Chicago Bulls forward Lonny Baxter was arrested Wednesday by Secret Service agents after attempting to pop a cap in the White House’s ass. Shots were fired from a white SUV driven by the chunky 27-year-old at the intersection of 17th¬†and I Streets in downtown Washington D.C., only two blocks away from the White House. It is uncertain whether the gat was squeezed by the ex-University of Maryland standout or his passenger, 35-year-old Irvin Martin.
Secret Service spokesman Eric Zahren reported that Baxter had an undisclosed beef with the White House.

“The White House tried to throw down on this Terrapin, and if you throw down on this Terrapin, this Terrapin’s gonna throw down on you,” said Baxter, according to the Secret Service. “I had no choice but to get bizzy. And please make sure you tell the press to spell ‘bizzy’ B-I-Z-Z-Y.”


Baxter recently signed a one-year contract with Italian team Montepaschi Siena, but don’t be surprised to see him in an NBA uniform this season. Last year, Baxter warmed the bench for Charlotte, and Bobcats co-owner Michael Jordan wants him back.

“We’re going to do our best to get Lonny here again,” said Jordan. “He missed hitting the White House by about 2,000 yards, and in our minds, that makes him a better shooter than half our roster.”

heckler editorial staff