Cubs strike fear into opposition with Reed Johnson, Augie Ojeda signings
The Cubs have declared themselves contenders in the National League this year with the powerhouse signings of former Cub fan favorites Reed Johnson and Augie Ojeda.
Mysterious package outside U.S. Cellular actually drunk Pierzynski sleeping in trench coat
“Out of many Pierzynski calls we’ve responded to, this may be the worst,” said O’Laney. “Due to the toxic smell of the catcher, we need to insist you stay at least 2,000 yards away at all times.”
Milton Bradley traded to California Penal League
Milton Bradley, recently arrested for domestic abuse after making specific threats of violence against his wife, has since been moved down to the lowly and terrifying California Penal League.
Cubs to replace troughs with bushes in men’s bathrooms throughout Wrigley
As part of the Cubs' constant effort to improve the fan experience, the team announced today it's replacing the legendary troughs in Wrigley Field's men’s rooms with shrubs.
Ozzie Guillen suspected in illegible pro-Sox graffiti left on Harry Caray statue
The Harry Caray statue was vandalized Sunday, splattered with white spray paint that said "Sox" and a second, illegible word. "Right now our main suspect is Ozzie Guillen," said Chicago Police spokesperson Brian Connors. "After reading his Twitter page, we realize "Sox" is the only word Mr. Guillen spells correctly on a regular basis."
The Heckler Stat Pack
This week's stats include All-Time Hairstyle Ratings, Toughness Index, Mascot RPI and the Miami Heat Scoring Leaders.
Ernie Banks’ party frequented by White House party crashers
Ernie Banks’ 80th birthday party celebration at Harry Caray’s Saturday night was attended by, among others, the same couple who famously crashed President Obama’s first White House State Dinner in November 2009. For another attendee, former White House Social Secretary Desirée Rogers, the sight of the couple at the Cubs legend’s gala was not quite déjà vu.
