Milton Bradley, recently arrested for domestic abuse after making specific threats of violence against his wife, has since been moved down to the lowly and terrifying California Penal League.

Cleveland Indians pitcher Rick “Wild Thing” Vaughn once made this California corrections baseball institution famous in the comedy film “Major League,” but there’s nothing funny about the CPL, as many players among its rosters will tell you. Johnny “Shiv Sergeant” Reganti commented on his playing days for the San Quentin Stabbers.

“Baseball in the Penal League is no joke,” said Reganti. “Milton better fashion himself a good tool, ‘cause that bat he’s been playin’ with ain’t gonna get it done with these guys.”

California Penal League Commissioner, Warden Tom Gentles, also had some advice for the incoming Bradley.

“Milton may have a bit of an adjustment period,” said Gentles. “His silly name is more than likely going to be the least of his worries.”

Members of many teams within the system have been clamoring to get the outfielder on their squad.

“A lot of guys in the league really like the look of Milton,” said Commissioner Gentles. “There is going to be a lot of interest by every squad for his participation, both on and off the field.”

By Andy Landgrebe. Photoshop by Pat Lamorte

Andy Landgrebe