MLB

Having not been relevant since 1993, and still subscribing to the notion that people actually care what the mouthpiece of a corrupt corporate parent company prints, The Wall Street Journal must at long last contemplate the only thing that can restore the venerable news institution to its former glory: destroying its headquarters.

Adam "Big Donkey" Dunn leads the White Sox with 11 home runs, which equals his total from last season. He recently admitted he took a desperate gamble to improve his game from the nightmare of 2011. He didn’t use HGH, steroids or a laxative but instead he devoured over 300 batteries hurled at him last season by angry South Siders.

This weekend the Cubs placed perpetual headache Carlos Marmol on the rarely used 650-day DL due to a right hamstring injury, meaning the team will not have to deal with the league's most inconsistent high-profile reliever in recent memory until his contract expires at the end of next season.

While most Cubs players took Thursday to enjoy a much-needed day off between their respective series with the Braves and Brewers, ace pitcher Ryan Dempster spent the day working toward his elusive first victory.

The 2012 Cubs are poised to win the franchise’s first World Series in more than a century, says Lakeview native Bob Benson, pointing to the team’s recent achievement of four victories in six games.

The planned league has the tentative name "Professional All Ball," and will contain elements of the four major sports; baseball, football, basketball, and hockey. Game play will require considerably less contact, and more “good old fashioned fun.”

With the White Sox bringing in their usual 1,200 a game for the month of April, the front office is beginning to become impatient for their summer averages of 2,500. The solution: Starting a new 'Trailer Park Thursdays' ticket special.