MLB

“It wasn’t me!” said Mets star, David Wright adamantly. “I’d never do anything to overshadow Johan’s performance … and if you look closely, that dude isn’t overshadowing anybody.”

When the Cubs get back in town next week, they'll likely be about 15 games out of first place. But it's not all bad, Cubs fans!

"This club is no stranger to remarkable pitching performances," said GM Sandy Alderson. "Over the years, we've been no-hit a total of 9,999 times. You could almost say the team is built to be humiliated like that."

For many St. Louis residents, Christmas came early this year when the Cardinals held their first and last "Free Sleeveless Tee Night." Unfortunately, fans could not stay calm for the mesh, 100% polyester Cardinals tee, sparking riots.

"I like the new Bobblehead," said starting pitcher Jeff Samardzija, the first Cub player to be represented by the new design. "It really captures my likeness and conveys how I feel when I give up one run over seven innings only to get a no-decision when the bullpen gives up three runs in the eighth inning."

“It was corny,” said Mets second baseman Daniel Murphy. “Seriously, I still don’t know what the heck happened. I think I heard them chant ‘Geico’ or something. Was that what it was?”

"I'm starting to think the Padres are the Dodgers' Triple-A affiliate," said Cubs manager Dale Sveum. "But many NL Central Division opponents have at least one player I can name. How are we going to beat those guys?"