Terry Collins berates Mets for winning when they should be tanking the season
"I have no excuses for this team at all," a still visibly-perturbed Collins said at a postgame press conference. "When we want them to win, they lose. When we want them to lose, they win."
Cubs to offer simulated ‘Wrigley Playoff Experience’
"Well, most of the time, the fans seated at the ballpark rarely worry about actually seeing the game in progress, so we thought why not capitalize on that?"
White Sox successfully dig out of last week’s 3-game Central lead
Barely a week ago the White Sox had a three-game lead over the Tigers in the AL Central, but the South Siders have hit the skids and that somewhat commanding lead has quickly evaporated into a tie atop the standings, much to the surprising glee of several Chicago players.
White Sox and Tigers conspire to get Royals into the playoffs
With the Tigers and White Sox both sputtering down the stretch, a noted sports psychologist believes both teams are subconsciously tanking out of sympathy for the third-place and mathematically eliminated Royals, who have not made the postseason since 1985.
Pierzynski and Cutler seen hanging out to improve images
To start the evening, Cutski, as the media has dubbed them, walked through Grant Park kicking puppies and throwing rocks at the elderly. People were appalled until they realized who they were dealing with.
Cubs accidentally trade Brenly and Kasper
In the late season frenzy to dump veterans and acquire prospects, the Cubs inadvertently dealt their TV broadcast team of Bob Brenly and Len Kasper, receiving a pair of minor league announcers and a team mascot in exchange.
Following soda law, Mets also banned from New York
“We find that, by having banned supersized soda, crime and murder are eliminated from our streets,” the mayor said. “We are taking it a step further and anticipate a city filled with citizens who whistle while they work because they no longer have the Mets weighing heavy on their minds.”
