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“We didn’t realize you were just trying to get up by repeatedly smashing that player’s head into the ground, then jamming your cleats into his arm,” said commissioner Roger Goodell. “We’re so sorry you got ejected for that obvious attempt to regain your balance."

Texas State Police and a few Texas Rangers were called to the home of Dallas Cowboys defensive coordinator Rob Ryan after neighbors reported a big dust up in the front yard. When law enforcement arrived, Rob had hos brother Rex in a headlock, repeatedly punching him in the ear.

In the third quarter of yesterday's Thanksgiving game against the Lions, Aaron Rodgers had difficulty understanding the play call coming into his headset from coach Mike McCarthy.

“Hello friends,” said CBS’ Jim Nance, who is set to call the game with broadcast partner Phil Simms. “This game is not about Tony Romo or Rob Ryan or Reggie Bush, but a big buffoon who left his mark on Thanksgiving Day nearly two decades ago, Leon Lett, who will perhaps go down as the biggest turkey of them all.”

The speculation this week as to when Jay Cutler injured his thumb on his throwing hand came to an end today. Jerry Angelo met with the media briefly and admitted that the injury happened in the locker room after the game when both [Julius] Peppers and Cutler decided to have a ‘Thumb War’ to see who would pick up dinner Sunday night.

Tatyana Ovechkin sat in her modest Ford Taurus Station Wagon just outside the Kettler Capitals Iceplex waiting for practice to be over to pick up her recently grounded son Alex.

"We're not particularly interested in some clean-shaven, wimpy form of Kyle," said Bears GM Jerry Angelo. "We want the messy drunk who led us to 10 victories in 2005."