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The Denver Broncos come into Sunday's contest versus the Jaguars having scored 362 points in five games this season, led by Peyton Manning, who is averaging 13 TD's a game during that span.

Carl Weathers, master thespian and former Oakland Raider, watches every NFL game from his man cave to compile his weekly Power Rankings exclusively for Heckler readers. Despite playing in only 8 NFL games, he was elected to the Pro Football Hall of Fame in 1980.

“A win percentage under .400 fits our sabermetrics,” GM Jed Hoyer said. “We feel like a guy needs to hit rock bottom first, so he has nowhere to go but up.”

No way am I putting this carload of crapola on my air,” station manager Delmore “Bo” DuBose of Dothan, Alabama’s WTVY-TV 4 said. “I’ll put on a replay of the 1974 Auburn-Alabama game."

“If $10 tickets and the excitement of watching Mark Prior cruise into the eighth inning with a 3–0 lead aren't enough to lure fans into Wrigley, we will also be offering half-price concessions, including beer. It’s going to be a wonderful night.”

“Ron Burgundy is on record as being a man who invented the wheel and who loves drinking scotch," said Pollack. "Also, he has bits of real-life panther mixed into his cologne. I can’t think of anyone more qualified to determine if Alabama should get the #1 seed in a college football playoff than that man.”

“Didn’t you hear?” Epstein proclaimed to reporters. “Dusty Baker was fired. My life is hell. Not only did Cincinnati just improve their ballclub ten-fold and save the careers of their pitching staff, but they also released Dusty into the job market while I’m trying to find a real manager!”