After taking heavy criticism for saying that women shouldn’t be on the committee to determine playoff seeding for college football, ESPN analyst David Pollack has proposed an alternative solution. Rather than hire Condoleezza Rice, the one woman on the proposed committee, Pollack suggested that she be replaced with the manliest, and therefore most qualified applicant possible, San Diego news anchor Ron Burgundy.
“Ron Burgundy is on record as being a man who invented the wheel and who loves drinking scotch,” said Pollack. “Also, he has bits of real-life panther mixed into his cologne. I can’t think of anyone more qualified to determine if Alabama should get the #1 seed in a college football playoff than that man.”
Asked if he was aware that he was taking a blatantly sexist position against women without really looking at their credentials, Pollack shrugged.
“Look, the last thing we need is for some woman on the board room to be sitting there with her lady problems while we’re trying hard to focus on if Florida State is worthy of a #2 seed in the Eastern Region.”
When it was pointed out to Pollack that Rice served as Secretary of State, promoted Democracy in the Middle East, served as a Professor at Stanford and was a top advisor to a President, Pollack countered that it didn’t mean she would know anything about giving an at-large bid to Oklahoma State if they tied for the Big-12 Conference Championship.
“Besides,” Pollack said, “while Ron Burgundy is helping us determine if LSU and Florida should also represent the SEC in a playoff, this will give Rice more time to discuss ‘Sex and The City’ and bake her man a pie. Really, we’re doing her a favor.”
Pollack also refused to comment on rumors that he had reached out to Al Bundy and Archie Bunker to replace Rice on the selection committee.