Breaking!

Acknowledging Ramirez' checkered past, Epstein said, "He has made real mistakes. While he has improved his behavior, we think bringing in Curt to shadow Manny is a pretty good idea."

"This terrible situation has taught me a very valuable lesson," said Rice. "Never, ever hit your wife in a place where there could be security cameras recording your actions for all the world to see."

Ricketts didn't refer to the destruction behind him, but the message was clear: no more Mr. Nice Guy.

"This isn't the Sharpie I know and love," said Miller after the Hawks' 6-2 loss to the Kings Wednesday night. "He's just not playing like himself. He must be hurt and I'm just the person to nurse him back to health."

“C'mon coach, please, please can we go?" he begged. "Look, we’ve been killing it in the playoffs so far and all we’re asking is one game off so we can go see Big Thunder Mountain Railroad, Mad Tea Party and the Indiana Jones Adventure. Other teams who’ve been eliminated already get to go. Why not us? It’s not fair.”

An endless stash of cold Old Style inside a refrigerator hidden behind a secret moving wall in the Cubs' marketing offices was partially to blame for the errors made on the mural commemorating the club's 100th anniversary, team officials said.

"Aw man, that lady's like a walking disease factory," said Marshall, in between coughing spells while telltale Koplik's spots began appearing on his face. "Apparently she thinks it's okay not to get vaccinated, but now look at me."