Just minutes after signing a three-year $30 million contract extension with the Bears on “The View” Monday morning, All-Pro wide receiver Brandon Marshall began showing symptoms of the measles, which he apparently contracted from known anti-vaccination advocate Jenny McCarthy, a co-host of the show.
“Aw man, that lady’s like a walking disease factory,” said Marshall, in between coughing spells while telltale Koplik’s spots began appearing on his face. “Apparently she thinks it’s okay not to get vaccinated, but now look at me.”
Doctors expect Marshall to be out of commission for at least a few weeks with the illness, but hope that he’ll be back to full strength in time for mini-camp next month.
On the plus side, Marshall’s bout with a respiratory infection that was mostly irradiated in the United States generations ago has changed the anti-vaccination approach of Bears QB and new parent Jay Cutler.
“I know my wife had previously said we doooooooon’t care about vaccinations, but it turns out measles is the real deal,” said Cutler. “If it can take down my guy Brandon, imagine what it could do to my little kids. I’m having one of our six nannies immediately take them to the doctor’s office to get their vaccinations today.”