"In the interest of being as inconsistent as possible on everything we do, we informed the officials prior to today's game to not call the most blatant pass interference penalties," said NFL Commissioner Roger Goodell. "That's just the way we do things around here."
"They had Cody Parkey on to tell him how honorable he was after he missed that kick," said Jeffery. "I dropped a routine pass into the hands of a defender that sealed a playoff loss for us. Can't I be honorable too?"
"I've found my true calling," said Parkey just minutes after wrapping his appearance on the TODAY show Friday. "This is where I'm meant to be."
"Vic, congrats on the new job, but we need your help with one last thing," said Bears coach Matt Nagy. "Would you mind please putting together a defensive game plan for all 16 of our games next season?"
"We adopted him on the same day the Bears signed Parkey, so we figured why not name our pooch 'Cody Barkey'?" said Ortiz, of Hoffman Estates. "Well, now I know why not."