"When you can get a player of Matt Forte's quality, you go out and do it," said Bears GM Ryan Pace, who let Forte walk after the 2015 season, "Even though he's announced he's no longer going to play, getting Matt in exchange for a fourth-round pick is a steal."
Following their 38-7 shellacking in Philadelphia Sunday night, President Donald Trump demanded the entire team be deported.
“Under coach Nagy’s tutelage, we hope to have the chance to hold a clipboard on the sidelines, acting as if we’re interested, and being inactive for most games while collecting a combined $12 million next season,” the pair said in a joint statement.
"The K.C. offense was clicking on all cylinders that first half," said Pace. "I sent Matt an offer at halftime and he immediately agreed."
"Matt threw for 374 TDs in only six seasons of Arena League football," said GM Ryan Pace, who's secretly a huge Arena League fan. "He had 85 TDs in one season. With output like that, he'd be one of the best QBs in NFL history."
Bills fans aren't the only ones disappointed their team got bounced in a close playoff loss to the Jaguars Sunday. The folding table industry is also bracing for a sales slowdown now that Buffalo fans won't be destroying their product during their notoriously rowdy tailgate parties.