NFL

"This is Sir Pointy Head," said Lewis, referring to the elk he was riding Saturday evening as part of a promotional stunt to mark his retirement. "We couldn't find a deer on such short notice...but his antlers are similar to the ones we used to harvest the topical spray that has held my body together since 2010."

“I was only trying to get my souvenir shopping done and out of the way early,” claims the former starting QB.

“I can remember watching Sid Luckman run the T in the 1940 NFL championship game at Wrigley Field,” said 91-year-old Wally Maynard, a longtime Bears fan who lost eight fingers and part of a foot to frostbite as he watched Chicago trounce the Washington Redskins 73-0.

In a recent poll released by Animal Planet, the nation's girlfriends have all agreed on one point: They want to watch the Puppy Bowl, which is slated to air throughout Super Bowl Sunday. According to the poll, the nation's girlfriend's overwhelmingly want to spend at least part of Sunday watching puppies aimlessly wandering around a miniature football field.

"It worked for me!" said Cavallari, former star of the MTV reality show The Hills. "I mean one day I'm just a girl involved in a sordid love triangle on a tasteless TV show, and now I'm married to a professional football player!"

Play along at home as the San Francisco 49ers and Baltimore Ravens clash to settle once and for all which Harbaugh brother gets the top bunk. Click the image to view a larger, printer-friendly version of the game board.

"We love what the Blackhawks are doing," said former running back Larry Csonka, who is a spokesman for the only Super Bowl-era team to finish a full season undefeated. "We will recognize their accomplishment with one rule--we are not going to count any more games against Columbus."