On Tuesday, January 29, 2013, 2:33PM, the nation reported that it had completely forgotten how the Chicago Bears thrilled them with the T-formation.

The news came as a shock to older Bears fans, who still maintain a vague recollection of the T-formation, but concede the excitement it once generated has indeed vanished.

“I can remember watching Sid Luckman run the T in the 1940 NFL championship game at Wrigley Field,” said 91-year-old Wally Maynard, a longtime Bears fan who lost eight fingers and part of a foot to frostbite as he watched Chicago trounce the Washington Redskins 73-0. “But now, frankly, the thrill is gone, along with my limbs.”

The T-formation is a football strategy used by the offensive team in which three running backs line up in a straight row behind the quarterback, forming the shape of a “T.” It was popular in the first half of the 20th century and led to higher scoring games that induced thrill in the nation, often to the point of convulsions, hallucinations, hyperventilation, and in extreme cases, a state of sexual ecstasy.

It was later immortalized in the Chicago Bears fight song, “Bear Down, Chicago Bears,” which is now used primarily to torture detainees at CIA “dark prisons” in remote regions of the world.

The demise of the thrill caused by the T-formation is not the only setback the Chicago Bears have suffered recently. On October 5, 2012, the team learned that the pride and joy of Illinois is now Jenny McCarthy.

gregory paul