NFL

“Don’t me wrong, he’s still a top 25 quarterback,” said one fan who called into Mike Francesa's radio show on the Fan. “But, would I have been upset if he missed the rest of his career due to a tragic mauling while doing good works in Africa? Ehhh. Probably not.”

With the lockout ending earlier this week, many people are trying to determine if the owners or players got the better end of the new 10-year collective bargaining agreement. Here are the 17 most noteworthy aspects of the deal.

“We were all hurting,” said a dancer named Sapphire as she shimmied down a pole. “Not only were we not getting guys in the champagne room, we couldn’t even get tips on the floor. Girls were going hungry. We thought we were going to have to go back to playing in the Lingerie Football League.”

“I’ve narrowed my choice to a few teams in the AFC East and NFC East. I consider the San Francisco Metro area a dark-horse. Of course, Dallas came in with a strong push,” said Pryor, who is now sporting a new, complimentary “Tressel Can Lick My Balls”-tattoo from Fort Worth Ink and Piercing.

"This is a no-nonsense league," said Goodell who fined each of the league's nearly 1,700 players roughly $588,000 a piece. "And we can't have our players taking their commitment to training camp lightly so we have to punish them where it hurts."

“Hochuli has an encyclopedic knowledge of the NFL rules, seems to have a good relationship with the league’s officiating crews, and scored a 49 on the Wunderlic test,” said head coach Rex Ryan.

"The mostly billionaire owners gave in a little and we decided it was best to split ticket revenue 65-35 and go 50-50 on the $175 you work nearly an entire day for only to blow on the jersey of a player who will most likely be around for a season or two until suffering a career-ending knee injury or concussion."