Oreo Double Stuff Racing League and one-time Super Bowl champion Eli Manning had a brush with death deep in the African savannah, but returned home late last week in one piece and unfortunately for Giants fans reported to training camp on time this weekend.
While hosting a football clinic for kids who have never heard of American football, a pair of wild lions blitzed him in the open. Manning was somehow able to dodge his attempted attackers.
“These aren’t the lions I’m used to, I actually feared for my safety in their presence,” said Manning, dumping on the city of Detroit. “Besides, at least one of these lions was off sides.”
Manning suffered only a small scratch on his forehead because his good buddy and Giants guard Chris Snee was there to block the lion’s charge. Snee wasn’t as lucky as Manning and emerged from the attack with a severely maimed hand.
“It’s my job to protect Eli, because for some reason he’s the franchise,” said Snee. “I don’t need those three fingers to block in the NFL anyway.”
Many Giants fans weren’t happy to hear Manning returned without any injuries that would cost him playing time.
“Don’t me wrong. He’s probably still a top 25 quarterback in the NFL,” said one fan who called into Mike Francesa’s radio show to voice his displeasure at Manning’s safe return. “But, would I have been upset if he missed the rest of his career due to a tragic mauling while doing good works in Africa? Ehhh. Probably not.”