With the lockout ending earlier this week, many people are trying to determine if the owners or players got the better end of the new 10-year collective bargaining agreement. Here are the 17 most noteworthy aspects of the deal.

17. 16-game regular season schedule in 2011, 82 games subsequent seasons.

16. James Harrison agrees to urinate on Roger Goodell if the commissioner ever catches fire.

15. Medical coverage for retired players doubled from one band aid per year to two.

14. Chris Berman will not make any stupid sound effects during game highlights (nothing to do with the settlement, it’s just something both sides agreed was best).

13. Steroids, HGH, PEDs – allowed. Players on “Dancing with the Stars” – strictly forbidden.

12. 2012 – Hard salary cap. 2013 –Semi-flaccid salary cap. 2014 – Limp salary cap.

11. Teams can apply franchise tag to hottest cheerleader if they wish.

10. If a team is a 10-point plus underdog they’re allowed to carry concealed weapons on the field.

9. Rookie wage scale based on how much change team’s owners have hidden in their respective sofas.

8. Players will be paid in wheel barrows full of cash.

7. Training camps will now include arts & crafts sessions.

6. Owners MUST take team out for ice cream after games, win, lose or draw.

5. Tony Romo designated league’s first openly gay player.

4. Owners must heroically carry their injured players off the field.

3. Players get one 15-minute smoke break per game.

2. Owners allowed to void contract of any player caught dating a reality TV star.

1. Packers stripped of all four Lombardi Trophies just because.

Patrick O. Elia