NFL

Play along while watching the Bears battle the Lions in Detroit's first Monday Night Football game since 1902.

Starting on Monday night at Ford Field, Bears offensive coordinator Mike Martz will no longer use a rotary phone to call plays downstairs to the sidelines.

President Obama has invited the Super Bowl XX championship Bears to the White House after their original visit was postponed in 1986 and never rescheduled. While there, ESPN has convinced them to reunite the ‘Shufflin' Crew’ to record a new opening for MNF.

According to Revelation 59, verse 15: “And the mighty jungle cats shall cut free its once leader of men. But descending from the western lands shall appear a fearless entity, a man from the lush sunshine state returning in all his glory. And he shall lead the lynx to glory and prominence, carrying his people on his back, plowing through obstacles with his mighty legs, and whipping all enemies with his unorthodox throwing motion.”

ESPN’s broadcast trio of Jon Gruden, Ron Jaworski and Mike Tirico are known for their sensational rants and raves when it comes to quarterbacks, but this week will bring a new wrinkle: outlandish apparel.

"What people don't realize is that each version of 'All My Rowdy Friends' is steeped in the mystical world of the occult," said Williams, Jr. "If it weren't for the ritualistic sacrifices I perform, I wouldn't have the energy or creative ability to come up with a different version every week for 20 years."

Less than a week after Steve Smith scorched his team yet again for eight catches and 181 yards, Bears head coach Lovie Smith announced Calvin Johnson is this week’s top receiver the Bears plan to completely ignore on defense.