Starting on Monday night at Ford Field, Bears offensive coordinator Mike Martz will no longer use a rotary phone to call plays downstairs to the sidelines.

“Yes, it was my idea, but a guy has to admit when he’s wrong,” said GM Jerry Angelo. “The rotary dialing process is just costing us too much damn time. Plus it’s kind of a hassle to pay for its installation every road game. That money is better spent on washed-up free agents.”

From now on, the Bears will call plays like every other team in the NFL, utilizing the league’s headset system that pipes the coordinator’s voice directly into the quarterback’s helmet.

“That should cut about 20 seconds off the time it takes for Jay [Cutler] to get the call,” said Martz. “But I still have to flip through the 800-page playbook before making my decision in the booth. And then of course Lovie has to stare at the sky for a while before agreeing. Anyway, we’ll see how it works out on Monday.”

Heckler George