MLB

With Cubs leadoff men struggling to reach base even 20% of the time, GM Jim Hendry took a rather unconventional approach in finding an acceptable table setter by purchasing an Acme rocket-leadoff man.

An off-handed postgame comment by now-former Cubs pitcher Doug Davis following his horrific start against the offensively-challenged Giants has inspired manager Mike Quade to rethink his defensive alignment.

To help correct the team's poor baserunning habits, Cubs players have been studying crib sheets full of helpful tips, such as "no cartwheels" and "the pitcher's mound is not fourth base."

The Cubs and White Sox announced today they are cancelling all games against other teams in the second half of the season. For the entire stretch following the All-Star break until October, the Chicago teams will play only each other in what is being called the "Crosstown Marathon."

After striking out for the 100th time in just 67 games this season, White Sox slugger Adam Dunn has been praised by GM Kenny Williams and environmental groups alike for his tireless efforts to combat global warming, while making U.S. Cellular one of the most environmentally friendly stadiums in all of baseball.

After Cubs manager Mike Quade defended his calling out of shortstop Starlin Castro for a lack of hustle on a play in Sunday’s game, and said he would do the same to veteran players, the skipper also stated he would give other players timeouts, if necessary, as he has to Cubs rookie Tony Campana.

Speaking at a press conference after performing Tommy John surgery on Yankees pitcher Joba Chamberlain Thursday, Dr. James Andrews reported that although the surgery “went smoothly,” Chamberlain made “some strange demands” in the recovery room.