After striking out for the 100th time in just 67 games this season, White Sox slugger Adam Dunn has been praised by GM Kenny Williams and environmental groups alike for his tireless efforts to combat global warming, while making U.S. Cellular one of the most environmentally friendly stadiums in all of baseball.
The United States EPA released a study showing that the rush of air released every time Dunn swings for the fences and comes up short is more effective at cooling the surrounding air than an industrial fan. Even White Sox management has taken notice of this phenomenon.
“Signing Adam has helped our team greatly, especially as far as energy costs are concerned,” said GM Kenny Williams. “Sure, we’re paying him $56 million over four years, but each time he tries to hit a home run in a situation where we just need him to make contact, it saves us literally dozens of dollars that we’d spend on air conditioning. Since he’s on pace to whiff well over 200 times this year, you can see how that would save us a lot of money.”
When reached for comment, Dunn simply told reports, “I’m glad to do my part,” before being struck out by the team’s batting practice pitcher.
By Jeff GoodSmith