Sox pregame video montage replaced with choir boys singing funeral hymn ‘On Eagles’ Wings’
“We’re treating September's home games as a wake/funeral for the 2011 season,” said Sox VP of marketing Brooks Boyer. “The last few seasons have ended in disappointment, and we don’t want our fans to go into the winter without having said their last goodbyes until spring."
Great American pastime rocked by foreign player named ‘Benoit’
The sport of baseball, heralded as an American pastime invented by and for Americans, was knocked on its rear end today when a Major League pitcher named “Benoit” representing the great American city of Detroit relieved Justin Verlander.
Red Sox recruit Mothra to attack Yankees pitcher Phil Hughes
Controversy is swirling over Terry Francona’s decision to unleash Mothra against Yankees pitcher Phil Hughes in the sixth inning of Wednesday’s game at Fenway Park. While the Red Sox maintain the move was perfectly legal, Yankees officials are in an uproar.
Ricketts interviews Brad Pitt for vacant GM position after a sneak peak at Moneyball
Brad Pitt is known more for his movie star good looks than his talent as an actor, but he was so convincing in his role as Billy Beane in his new movie Moneyball that Tom Ricketts insisted on interviewing him for the Cubs' vacant GM position.
Struggling Dunn demoted to Comcast Fundamentals Deck
“Something had to be done,” said a downcast Williams. “His stroke is shot and we felt that hitting plastic wiffle balls off a tee with eight-year-olds might be the shock to get him back on track.”
Con Edison unable to restore power to David Wright and Jason Bay
"We had hoped they'd be able to jump start Jason and David, but Con Edison told us they can only do so much," said Mets GM Sandy Alderson. "I suppose we should be happy we have electricity at our stadium, but I was really hoping to find a way we could get a little more pop out of these guys."
Baby wails uncontrollably upon receiving Cubs beanie
“Babies at a very young age can sense a traumatic moment in their life,” said the family's doctor. “Little Michael was perceptive enough to understand for his entire life he would be associated with the tragedy of this team.”
