Theo Epstein claims he ‘gets laid way more than Cashman’
Even though the Yankees clinched the AL East over Red Sox earlier this week, Boston GM Theo Epstein has clinched the Stud GM title over Yankees GM Brian Cashman. “I get laid a lot,” Epstein recently boasted. “Way more than that putz Cashman.”
Miami Marlins logo only causing seizures in people who look directly at it with...
“If you’re blind or have your eyes closed, this is a non-issue,” said owner Jeffrey Loria. “We really think people are getting bent out of shape about a problem that only affects 99% of the population.”
Cubs promote Soriano to Player-Manager-GM in hopes he’ll earn his $18 million per season...
“It’s been clear for a while now that Alfonso is vastly overpaid for his mediocre contributions on the field,” said owner Tom Ricketts. “So we decided to kill three birds with one stone and see if he can earn his keep by playing, managing and, uh, GM-ing.”
Cubs call up Clevenger, Dolis from Double-A to rot on bench with other rookies
As Quade continues to stick with his veteran underachievers day-in and day-out even with his team 30 games out of first, many of the team’s youngsters have permanently grown into the dugout bench.
New York fans under 30 declare Mariano Rivera greatest Yankee of all time
Now that Mariano Rivera is the all-time MLB saves leader, many young New York fans are singing his praises and declaring him the greatest Yankee to ever live.
Helton to play season’s last home series in fur coat from bear he shot
"Nothing provides the natural warmth of a bear skin coat," said Helton. "And I'm ensured it was taken down humanely because I'm the one who killed it with a high-powered rifle while it was playfully frolicking in a meadow with its cubs."
Crane Kenney brings in Greek Orthodox priest to bless his job
Crane Kenney's stunt didn't work during the 2008 playoffs, but he's hoping his tactic will work now, having brought in a priest to the Cubs offices in the beginning of the season to help keep his job.
