The recently leaked Miami Marlins logo will not cause seizures unless you look directly at it with “functioning eyeballs,” the franchise claimed today.

“If you’re blind or have your eyes closed, this is a non-issue,” said owner Jeffrey Loria. “We really think people are getting bent out of shape about a problem that only affects 99 percent of the population.”

The Technicolor logo was developed in hopes of making a splash for the re-branded franchise, though nobody could have predicted such a visceral response from fans.

“We wanted them to get excited, but we certainly weren’t hoping for all the shaking and uncontrolled bouts of delirium,” said Loria. “Then again, we do seem to have captured the news cycle. Wait until people see our new bedazzled batting helmets!”

Heckler George