Friday, December 4, 2020

Marlins expect attendance to increase 100% by importing Korean soccer club’s sex dolls

Not exactly what Abner Doubleday had in mind when he invented baseball, the Miami Marlins plan to use sex dolls disguised as fans in the stands when baseball resumes.

‘Bored’ Guillen takes job as school crossing guard

Aside from a few local personal appearances and sports commentary gigs on national television, Guillen has done little to occupy his time. He told a local radio station that his days are spent mostly watching television. ”I love the Maury Povich Show. I can spend hours trying to figure out who’s the father.”

Cubs trade Sveum’s desk to Marlins for Ottoman to be named later

"In Dale's desk we had a tired mid-'70s aluminum piece of furniture that really had to go," said Epstein. "For whatever reason, the Marlins were really into it."

Marlins fan falls asleep while diving for home run ball

After a home run off the bat of Justin Ruggiano flew halfway into the second deck, Florida resident Andy Kelley reached most of the length of two full seats to intercept the ball as it bounced by, but fell asleep in the middle of the effort.

Wacky DJ’s Guillen and Zambrano debut The OzZee Show on Miami radio

“It’s a [expletive deleted] blast being a wacky morning DJ,” Guillen said in an interview with Spanish language newspaper El Nuevo Herald about the program called The OzZee Show.

Fidel Castro named roving pitching coach for Miami Marlins

“Since I gave up the Presidency in 2008 to my brother, Raul, I’ve been bored out of my cabeza,” Castro told Juventud Rebelde (Rebellious Youth) published by the Union of Young Communists.

Ozzie Guillen working as server at Brazzaz

"He said he was between gigs and was looking for a little action," said Brazzaz proprietor Joao Valentes. "Unfortunately, we didn't have any opportunities for him to do broadcast or print ad representation for us. But Ozzie's an old amigo, so I did what I could."