Miami Marlins skipper Ozzie Guillen has apologized after several comments made this week. Guillen told the media that he is very sorry for his remarks, in which he professed love and admiration for Fidel Castro and “respects him for staying in power for so long.”
“I have no idea what the hell happened,” said Marlins owner, Jeffrey Loria. “He loved the fish tank behind home plate, but as soon as we walked into the outfield it was like he saw a ghost.”
Warned not to get too close to the action, each doctor will be armed with two cans of mace and a stun gun should things get too crazy. It sounds extreme, but the volatile nature of Guillen and Zambrano require extreme caution.
Earlier this week, the Oakland A's swooped in and basically stole coveted Cuban sensation OF Yoenis Cespedes, who accepted a four-year, $36 million deal. Of the teams apparently interested in signing him (the Cubs, White Sox, Marlins and Tigers among them) the Athletics were the surprise winner.
Heads of several Miami gangs, including the Dogg Pound, the King Garden Boys, and the Jamaican Posse, have rallied around Marlins pitcher Mark Buehrle providing him with support and security as he leads the charge to overturn a long-standing law banning pit bulls in Miami-Dade County.
“I told him we play in the National League East,” said Guillen. “Now he’ll get to throw at Chipper Jones several more times a season.”