Friday, January 21, 2022

Guillen apologizes for Castro comments, says he’s just misunderstood, ‘like Joseph Kony’

Miami Marlins skipper Ozzie Guillen has apologized after several comments made this week. Guillen told the media that he is very sorry for his remarks, in which he professed love and admiration for Fidel Castro and “respects him for staying in power for so long.”

Jose Reyes demands trade after first tour of Marlins Park

“I have no idea what the hell happened,” said Marlins owner, Jeffrey Loria. “He loved the fish tank behind home plate, but as soon as we walked into the outfield it was like he saw a ghost.”

Marlins hire team of Austrian psychiatrists to study Ozzie and Zambrano

Warned not to get too close to the action, each doctor will be armed with two cans of mace and a stun gun should things get too crazy. It sounds extreme, but the volatile nature of Guillen and Zambrano require extreme caution.

Cespedes signed with A’s because he thought he’d get to work for Brad Pitt

Earlier this week, the Oakland A's swooped in and basically stole coveted Cuban sensation OF Yoenis Cespedes, who accepted a four-year, $36 million deal. Of the teams apparently interested in signing him (the Cubs, White Sox, Marlins and Tigers among them) the Athletics were the surprise winner.

Mets buy Jose Reyes’ hair for $10,000 on eBay

The hair will make a perfect addition to our Mets Hall of Fame,” said the Mets owner. “Just because Jose has moved on, doesn’t mean we won’t honor his years in New York.”

Gangs back Buehrle’s crusade to allow pit bulls in Miami-Dade County

Heads of several Miami gangs, including the Dogg Pound, the King Garden Boys, and the Jamaican Posse, have rallied around Marlins pitcher Mark Buehrle providing him with support and security as he leads the charge to overturn a long-standing law banning pit bulls in Miami-Dade County.

Guillen: Chance to throw more often at Chipper Jones sealed Zambrano to Marlins deal

“I told him we play in the National League East,” said Guillen. “Now he’ll get to throw at Chipper Jones several more times a season.”