MLB

Future perennial All-Star Cubs first baseman Anthony Rizzo is having a banner year in the minors. By all accounts, he would be called up to the Big League club at or near the mid-summer trade deadline. But there’s only one problem: Current first baseman Bryan LaHair keeps hitting and is leading the team in home runs and RBIs.

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After being arrested in New York last week for allegedly yelling hate speech and attacking a group of tourists, Tigers outfielder Delmon Young said at a press conference Monday morning he was actually yelling "I hate to lose!"

“When a client changes jobs it is customary to let us know,” said a BALCO spokesman. “We have been sending Pujols’s HGH supplies to St. Louis on schedule for the past 10 years, and Albert didn’t fill out the ‘new employer’ form. It looks like he is off the juice; no wonder he sucks.”

“Mostly, it’s the Cubs,” Pujols said. “I used to kill them. But now that I’m in the American League, it’s different. They’ve got real pitchers in this league, not the Triple A rejects they have on the Cubs. Playing against them I forgot how to hit real pitching.”

Late Thursday night, baseball historians at the Hall of Fame in Cooperstown, N.Y., accidentally dug up what has proved to be the authentic birth certificate for Wrigley Field, revealing its date of birth as April 30, 1899, confirming the venerable old park to be 113 years old, over a decade older than the historic home of the Green Monster.

People of Boston have reported seeing a masked man all over town. He’s been spotted in sushi restaurants, shopping centers, and most recently entering the player’s entrance at Fenway Park. The identity of the man remained a mystery until yesterday when it was revealed that the menace was none other than Red Sox Manager Bobby Valentine.