MLB

Dozens of packed buses started to make their way into town Wednesday night; from Tinley Park to Evanston, Kankakee to Kenilworth, activists are geared up to let the leaders of these two teams know what they want.

The Lottery launched its latest ploy of preying on loyal Chicago baseball fans by introducing Cubs and White Sox instant tickets. But, those playing may not realize that each ticket is inherently an “instant loser” with a faint glimmer of hope.

Adam "The Big Donkey" Dunn offers some helpful advice to struggling slugger Albert Pujols. By Rick Atkinson

"I've got to replace the current bullpen with one that doesn't suck," said Epstein. "Pretty much everyone's got to go. Maybe we can put them on the DL with a phantom injury like we did Marmol?

"I was trying to warm up a lefty in case coach wanted to play the match-up," said Randy Renfro, the bullpen catcher for the Atlanta Braves. "But I couldn't concentrate once I saw that they were playing an old episode of Family Ties. I just love Michael J. Fox. And that guy who played Skippy? What a dork!"

In lieu of Wrigley Field, what some consider the most beautiful baseball structure erected in the history of the game, the Wall Street Journal article suggested putting in yacht storage, a cufflinks factory, fur coat warehousing or a Tommy Bahama megastore.

"If the Marlins wanted fireworks when they signed Zambrano, a dud is what they got," said Dan LeBatard, the "Jay Mariotti" of Miami. "He just walks around saying 'serenity now' anytime something bothers him. He's stayed calm so far, but hopefully there's a storm brewing."