The Lottery launched its latest ploy of preying on loyal Chicago baseball fans by introducing Cubs and White Sox instant tickets. But, those playing may not realize that each ticket is inherently an “instant loser” with a faint glimmer of hope.

“We strive to provide products that emulate the reality of what they represent,” said lottery spokesman Bob Hartland. “So a winning ticket could represent hell actually freezing over or – in this case – a Chicago Cubs World Championship. It’s an exciting concept and a fun time for all.”

The fine print on each ticket includes the odds of winning. However, baseball statisticians agree they do not represent the “true” odds. Experts believe a White Sox winning ticket is approximately one in every 100 years; while the odds on a Cubs ticket are incalculable.

As history holds true, far be it from the odds to deter fans from purchasing tickets in bunches.

“I may not have won this week but hope still springs eternal for that big jackpot,” stated die-hard Cubs fan Dan Katz. “As lottery enthusiasts like myself say, ‘Wait ‘til next week’.”

By Brian Berns

Heckler Brian