Friday, September 30, 2022

ESPN plans ‘The First Dance,’ a 10-part look at Michael Jordan’s high school prom

Panicked executives from ESPN are reportedly rushing to follow up the massively successful "The Last Dance" with a new 10-part documentary about Michael Jordan. Called "The First Dance," it chronicles the future NBA superstar's experience at his high school prom.

’85 Bears reunite at White House to record new opening for MNF

President Obama has invited the Super Bowl XX championship Bears to the White House after their original visit was postponed in 1986 and never rescheduled. While there, ESPN has convinced them to reunite the ‘Shufflin' Crew’ to record a new opening for MNF.

Tony Reali to host next presidential debate: ‘We need a mute button!’

"America is divided as it's ever been in modern history, but after watching Tuesday night's debate there's one thing on which we can all agree," said CPD co-chair Kenneth Wollack, "and that's that we need a mute button for the next debates."

NCAA adds Indiana and Missouri St. to last-minute ‘Prozac Self Esteem Bowl’

In an effort to fill a holiday void of one night without worthless bowl games, the NCAA has reached out to corporate sponsors to create another bowl of little or no significance.

Cubs players allowed cell phones on field to refute internet trade rumors

In the wake of Monday’s events – during which Ryan Dempster himself cut down wild trade speculation shortly before the Cubs played in Pittsburgh – the Cubs’ front office has deemed it necessary for players to have their cell phones on them at all times. If only to prove where they are.

Chicago media can’t remember what they asked Hawks players about before streak

“Do you, um … like hockey?” one reporter asked a confused Patrick Kane. Several minutes of awkward silence followed, until somebody finally asked Kane if he remembered the streak.

Tale of the Tape: Horse racing Randy Moss vs. NFL Randy Moss

Because of the stark contrast between two sports figures named Randy Moss, we here at The Heckler thought it would be fun to do a Tale of the Tape to determine just who the greatest Randy Moss is - the reporter or the cocky NFL receiver.