In an effort to fill a holiday void of one night without worthless bowl games, the NCAA has reached out to corporate sponsors to create another bowl of little or no significance.
NCAA President Mark Emmert issued a statement today announcing the creation of the Prozac Self Esteem Bowl—featuring two teams that actually are not bowl eligible, but will nonetheless draw the attention of virtually nobody.
“It’s definitely all about the kids and not the money on this one,” said Emmert. “Thanks to Eli Lilly’s generous contribution of $14 million and free Prozac samples, these student athletes will be able to realize their dream of competing in a bowl game on national television in front of tens of viewers.”
The game will be played on New Year’s Day, which had previously been free of bowl games, presumably because it would have to compete with Sunday’s slate of NFL games. However, Emmert considered that this week’s games are mostly meaningless year’s pro games that will likely only be watched by true football fans, thus not affecting the 50 or so people who will be watching their children play in the Prozac Self Esteem Bowl.
“Sure, these teams have losing records. Sure, most true sports fans don’t want to see this level of play. But now the kids feel good about themselves. Heck, I feel good about myself. Of course, that may just be the Prozac talking,” stated Emmert.
This year’s game will feature Indiana and Missouri State. Indiana head coach Kevin Wilson was likewise enthused.
“I usually only bank on seven to eight really crappy games a year with this program,” said Wilson. “Now we’re guaranteed to get one more. The tradition continues!”