ESPN

Former Phillies first baseman and current ESPN Baseball Tonight analyst John Kruk has been training this offseason to enter the world of competitive eating.

The Bears clinched the NFC North with a convincing win over the Vikings behind a punishing defensive assault at the frozen TCF Bank Stadium. Surprisingly, key members of the team showed mercy to someone, albeit their own coaching staff, when they refused a traditional celebratory Gatorade shower of Lovie Smith and his cohorts as the clock wound down on their 40-14 victory.

Sunday’s matchup between the Bears and Packers has forced ESPN to begrudgingly cover a sporting event not taking place in the Eastern Time zone.

With the hiring of Ryan Leaf as a special Super Bowl correspondent from Vancouver, ESPN now employs every living former NFL player, including those currently serving prison sentences around the world.

A segment of ESPN's Sport Science recently exposed one of Major League Baseball's more common myths, proving once and for all that White Sox first baseman Paul Konerko is, indeed, faster than most infants.

Jalen Rose created a stir last month when he referred to black Duke players as "Uncle Toms" during a documentary about his Michigan "Fab Five" team from the early 1990s. Today he's issuing an apology for his comment after finally being told what an Uncle Tom actually is.

ESPN bald talking head Scott Van Pelt's afternoon radio show isn't particularly interesting, insightful or amusing, but Monday it was all of that when Van Pelt nearly "choked on his own vomit" after learning baseball commissioner Bud Selig made an $18.5 million salary in 2007. His nearly six-minute rant about Selig's pay earned him a suspension from the show and the devotion of many die-hard baseball fans who wondered the same thing Van Pelt said.