New Cubs Schierholtz, Fujikawa promptly put Chicago homes up for sale
“I figure I haven’t hung anything up yet, so there are no holes in the walls,” said Schierholtz. “My dog hasn’t peed anywhere. Why risk it?”
Cubs to stuff everybody’s stocking with a Major League pitcher this Christmas
“These gifts have value that will ideally grow over time,” said Hoyer. “Think of them as a savings bond that you can flip later for the next iPad.”
Mike Tice revealed to be figment of Lovie Smith’s imagination
“The random timeouts, his inability to get plays out on the field, they all make sense now,” said QB Jay Cutler. “Coach Smith had to wait for his own personal Tyler Durden to saunter in and tell him what to do.”
NHL to play during halftime of NBA games
“Most owners like the deal because stadiums will already be full. Players like it because they get paid to do one-third of the work,” said mediator Ron Carter. “And Commissioner Bettman is ecstatic because it abolishes all Canadian teams except for one.”
Rooftop owners agree that backs of upscale Jumbotrons as interesting as Cubs baseball
You may not think seagull poop on a Jumbotron can be the focal point of your party,” said Zybachowski. “I tell ya, buddy, you haven’t seen seagull poop on the right Jumbotron.”
Fed up with Wrigley restrictions, Ricketts to move Cubs to international waters
"In 2014, the Cubs will play all home games on a floating entertainment complex approximately 200 miles off the coast of Virginia," said Ricketts.
NHL salary cap lowered to $9.50 per hour
Players will also be responsible for providing their own equipment and a car-pool program has been set up for traveling to games. It is not yet known if drivers will receive an allowance for gas money.
