Monday, January 24, 2022

Sneaky Pete Carroll forgets he’s no longer at USC, tries paying Seahawks players under...

First-year Seahawks coach Pete Carroll parachuted from a very successful tenure at USC last February right before the Trojans got hit with hefty NCAA sanctions for improper benefits received by star RB Reggie Bush during the 2004 season. Old habits have proven to die hard as Carroll this week attempted to pay RB Marshawn Lynch $10,000 as a reward for his outstanding play in the team's playoff win over the Saints last week.

Cutler extends 10-year playoff winning streak in victory over Seahawks

While elite quarterbacks Aaron Rodgers, Ben Roethlisberger and Tom Brady dominate the postseason headlines, Bears quarterback Jay Cutler is baffled that his lifetime playoff exploits have been ignored. After a rout of the Seahawks Sunday, the surly QB hasn't lost a playoff game since prior to his Indiana high school Class 3A championship in 2000.

Milton Bradley traded to California Penal League

Milton Bradley, recently arrested for domestic abuse after making specific threats of violence against his wife, has since been moved down to the lowly and terrifying California Penal League.

NFL Playoffs: Giants, Chargers win upsets; Pats, Pack to host title games

Ho-hum, the Patriots win again. Tom Brady was nearly perfect, completing 26-28 passes with three TDs. In his career, Brady has a 13-2 postseason record.

Seahawks Alexander out-prayed by Bear fans

Seattle Seahawks running back Shaun Alexander proclaimed a miracle Tuesday, saying his injured foot had been healed, simply by prayer. Later that day, his prayers were met by thousands of others from Bears fans who were wishing Alexander wouldn't be able to play, leaving God a tough choice to make prior to Alexander's CT scan on Wednesday.

Mike Holmgren’s parents involved in paternity suit

Seattle Seahawks coach Mike Holmgren should be paying attention to his team's marquee match up with the Bears this weekend, but he's instead focused on his on-going paternity suit. Holmgren's legal parents, Barbara and Lincoln, are in a custody battle over the coach with an Alaskan Walrus, named Wally.

NBA Preview: Washington Wizards

Why They Might Be Good: Off the court, stud Wiz point guard Gilbert Arenas is one of the more genial professional ballers around. On the court, he'll kill your mother. (Actually, three years ago, in a meaningless late-season game against the Bulls, he killed Tyson Chandler's pit bull, Brick.) His grouchiness, combined with forward Antawn Jamison's ability to confuse opponents with the pronunciation of his first name, should catapult Washington into the first division.