Sunday, December 10, 2023

David Stern cancels Christmas ‘for basketball reasons’

In the wake of recently nixing the trade of Chris Paul from New Orleans to the Lakers, NBA Commissioner David Stern has decided to make a few more moves in order to better affect his league. In a statement issued Friday morning, Stern declared that the Christmas holiday -- coinciding with the beginning of the league schedule -- would be cancelled.

Lakers announce trades to acquire Chris Paul, Dwight Howard, Derrick Rose, Kevin Durant and...

After reports surfaced they were trying to acquire Chris Paul and Dwight Howard, the Lakers shocked the league by announcing that not only do they plan to continue pursuing Paul and Howard, they've also proposed trades for Derrick Rose, Kevin Durant, and sure, why not, LeBron James.

Clippers place middle finger statue in Staples Center outside Lakers locker room

Clippers president Andy Roeser has ordered an oversized statue of a hand giving the middle finger be placed immediately outside the Los Angeles Lakers locker room within the very stadium the two teams share.

Lakers cut payroll to help Kobe with divorce settlement

"Kobe has done so much for the organization," said owner Jerry Buss. "We felt we couldn't let him wave bye-bye to the $360 million he has made during his tenure as a Laker. As soon as the papers are signed, the team is prepared to offer him a contract that will recoup anything he loses to Vanessa."

Stern suspends Kobe for wearing ‘ugly-ass’ shoes Sunday against Bulls

"When I turned on the TV I thought my picture needed adjusting," said Stern, taking a page from Roger Goodell's book and punishing a player for wearing inappropriate footwear. "Neon green and purple? Does Kobe think he's a Fly Girl wearing those ugly-ass kicks?"

MJ announces plan to move past Kobe on all-time marriage list

"That makes two," said Jordan, referring to the number of wives or ex-wives he'll soon have, compared to Bryant's paltry one. "I have the rings. I have the wives. What else is there, really?"

Lakers fan refuses to stop bitching about how good Lakers would be with Chris...

Despite the current NBA season being well under way, Los Angeles native and lifelong Lakers fan Nick Torres refuses to stop bitching about how good the Lakers would be had David Stern not vetoed the three-way trade sending Paul to the purple and gold nearly two months ago.