Sunday, November 29, 2020

World Series trophy tests positive for COVID-19

Hours after the Dodgers clinched their first World Series title in 32 years, the Commissioner's Trophy became the first known inanimate object to test positive for COVID-19, likely due to its exposure to Dodgers 3B Justin Turner whose positive test was released in the second inning of Tuesday night's Game 6.

Betts’ new 12-year contract scheduled to end in 2028 due to apocalypse

Despite signing a massive $365 million 12-year contract extension with the Dodgers, Mookie Betts' deal will actually end in only eight years due to the impending global apocalypse that will take place in 2028.

Mookie Betts to pursue bowling instead of joining Dodgers

The Dodgers’ blockbuster trade with the Red Sox for Mookie Betts and David Price has been mixed after Betts announced he would be perusing a new career in bowling.

Desperate Marmol begs Hoyer to return after Dodgers cut him

“About 3:15 this morning, just as I finished checking the Japanese and Korean Leagues' waiver wires, my cell phone rang,” Hoyer told Cubs.com. “I figured it might have been just another drunken rant from one of our players, but it was Marmol begging me to take him back to the team.”

Experts commend Hoyer in acquiring living human in Marmol trade

"I almost choked on my cigar smoke when I heard the trade," Steve Stone said. "Is there any way I can switch teams again? Jed Hoyer is a genius."

Hoyer seals Marmol trade to Dodgers with ‘No Take Backs’ provision on last line

Out of fear that the deal was too good to be true, savvy General Manager Jed Hoyer inserted a little used, but time-honored, clause into the deal.

Yankees sue Dodgers for copying their Buying A Championship™ Strategy

A day after the Los Angeles Dodgers pulled off a megadeal with the Boston Red Sox, the New York Yankees slapped them with a $400 million lawsuit, claiming the club stole its patented strategy for success.