Tuesday, August 11, 2020

Betts’ new 12-year contract scheduled to end in 2028 due to apocalypse

Despite signing a massive $365 million 12-year contract extension with the Dodgers, Mookie Betts' deal will actually end in only eight years due to the impending global apocalypse that will take place in 2028.

Mookie Betts to pursue bowling instead of joining Dodgers

The Dodgers’ blockbuster trade with the Red Sox for Mookie Betts and David Price has been mixed after Betts announced he would be perusing a new career in bowling.

Desperate Marmol begs Hoyer to return after Dodgers cut him

“About 3:15 this morning, just as I finished checking the Japanese and Korean Leagues' waiver wires, my cell phone rang,” Hoyer told Cubs.com. “I figured it might have been just another drunken rant from one of our players, but it was Marmol begging me to take him back to the team.”

Experts commend Hoyer in acquiring living human in Marmol trade

"I almost choked on my cigar smoke when I heard the trade," Steve Stone said. "Is there any way I can switch teams again? Jed Hoyer is a genius."

Hoyer seals Marmol trade to Dodgers with ‘No Take Backs’ provision on last line

Out of fear that the deal was too good to be true, savvy General Manager Jed Hoyer inserted a little used, but time-honored, clause into the deal.

Yankees sue Dodgers for copying their Buying A Championship™ Strategy

A day after the Los Angeles Dodgers pulled off a megadeal with the Boston Red Sox, the New York Yankees slapped them with a $400 million lawsuit, claiming the club stole its patented strategy for success.

Dodgers ask Hanley to wear No. 99 so they can finally get rid of...

Hanley Ramirez wore his traditional No. 13 jersey in his first game as a Dodger, but his new team will soon require he switch numbers to help rectify the past at Chavez Ravine.