Many people in the baseball world expressed shock over the news that the Cubs acquired a living, breathing human being, pitcher Matt Guerrier formerly of the Dodgers, in exchange for Carlos Marmol.

“I almost choked on my cigar smoke when I heard the trade,” Steve Stone said. “Is there any way I can switch teams again? Jed Hoyer is a genius.”

“That’s the second best acquisition is the history of sports,” Skip Bayless said. “Number one of course being the Patriots signing my boy Tim Tebow.”

Ned Coletti, the Dodgers general manager, does not see what all the fuss is.

“I’ve had people tell me that not even a drunk Patrick Kane would make the deal but look at the guy’s stats. He’s unhittable!”

When told that his computer only had Marmol’s stats up to 2010, Coletti threw the computer out the window.

Mariotti Jr.