Despite signing a massive $365 million 12-year contract extension with the Dodgers, Mookie Betts’ deal will actually end in only eight years due to the impending global apocalypse that will take place in 2028.
“Not to get all gloom-and-doom on everyone, but we signed this deal knowing there’s no way we’ll have a functioning society by the time this contract is scheduled to end,” said Dodgers GM Andrew Friedman. “And even if we against all odds are somehow that humanity hasn’t wiped itself off the face of the planet and some sort of Major League Baseball competition is still occuring, hyperinflation will have a hamburger costing about $50,000, so we view this as a very team-friendly deal.”
Added Andrew: “But we do look forward to a few good years of pandemic-shortened baseball from Mookie. It will be nice to take our minds off all the existential crises we are dealing with.”