Tigers

An Inge family friend has disclosed that for the eighth consecutive year Brandon Inge was the highest-rated player and top pick in the Inge family fantasy baseball league for 2012.

"I guess people in Tuscany must be like 80 pounds or something," he said. "That's the only explanation for these tiny booths and portions fit for a child. I don't care if the waiters are wearing ties or the doorways are arched -- I want more damn cheese-covered noodles."

“I thought presenting that much food in front of such a plus-sized man was foolproof,” said Epstein. “Apparently Detroit offered him a car made out of butter or something instead.”

Tigers first baseman Prince Fielder recently met with a Detroit Free Press lifestyles editor in his new Metro Detroit home. Although he's adjusting to life with his generous new contract and is looking forward to putting up some big numbers, his focus is still on a goal he's dreamed about since early childhood.

After being arrested in New York last week for allegedly yelling hate speech and attacking a group of tourists, Tigers outfielder Delmon Young said at a press conference Monday morning he was actually yelling "I hate to lose!"

The Detroit Tigers defeated the Chicago Cubs in seven games. The Curse of the Billy Goat was placed on the Cubs before the start of Game 4, when Cubs fan Billy Sianis was asked to leave the stadium because his pet goat's odor was offending nearby fans.

Barely a week ago the White Sox had a three-game lead over the Tigers in the AL Central, but the South Siders have hit the skids and that somewhat commanding lead has quickly evaporated into a tie atop the standings, much to the surprising glee of several Chicago players.