Tigers

With the Tigers and White Sox both sputtering down the stretch, a noted sports psychologist believes both teams are subconsciously tanking out of sympathy for the third-place and mathematically eliminated Royals, who have not made the postseason since 1985.

Tigers third baseman Miguel Cabrera, weighing in at approximately 425 pounds, is close to becoming the first MLB player to win baseball's Triple Crown since Carl Yastrzemski did it in 1967.

In a startling development that could derail the Tigers run for the World Series, half of the team has been diagnosed with emphysema, the result of being exposed to second-hand smoke from manager Jim Leyland who can go through eight to 10 packs of cigarettes per game, sometimes more if it's a tight contest.

The move was made shortly after Major League Baseball moved game 4 of the ALCS to Thursday because of rain without a single drop of rain falling on Comerica Park.

Bud Selig shocked baseball Sunday night by revoking the Giants World Series victory because of Melky Cabrera's PED suspension in August after playing 113 games in 2012.

"Any meat covered in sprinkles doesn't count," he said. "Everybody knows that. Seriously, I have some sprinkle-coated bacon in my fridge right now."

Nothing but a World Series championship will do for Tigers owner Mike Ilitch as he approaches the twilight of his storied career.