Mets-sent ‘Dickey Extension’ email turns out to be erectile dysfunction spam
“We were had,” stated Ted Bender, a higher up in the Mets’ PR department. “I told them not to use this two-bit company, but they insisted. You’d be shocked what the bosses would do to save a few bucks.”
Mets sign The Ghost of Manny Ramirez to bolster 2013 outfield
"I think The Ghost of Manny can be a really great addition to our squad this year," said Alderson. "We knew we needed a fresh body to man the outfield, and when we called the The Ghost's agent up in Heaven, we got an excited response from an apparition who sounded enthused to join the Mets."
Being a fan of Mets, Jets or Nets causes erectile dysfunction, study reveals
"This study comes as a surprise to no one," claimed Regina Benjamin, U.S. Surgeon General. "Mets fans have mostly been unable to achieve an erection since 1986, while many living Jets fans cannot become aroused even mentally."
Mets expand 6-man pitching rotation to a 90-man rotation
"I want Harvey and Wheeler to gain major league experience without being injured while we remain noncompetitive," Collins said. "Their respective starts will be on this upcoming Tuesday and Wednesday and again in late September."
Senile old man wanders onto Citi Field, disrupts All-Stars by mumbling ‘Sweet Caroline’
Egged on by the raucous New York crowd, the man flailed his arms and turned around in circles for several minutes on the infield, while those in the stands screamed out unintelligible chants which sounded like "Bah-bah-bah" and "So-good, so-good, so-good."
Astros and Mets to sit out 2014 MLB season
In a move that's being described as cost-cutting, convenient and pragmatic, the Houston Astros and New York Mets will sit out the upcoming Major League Baseball season.
Bartolo Colon wins inaugural Cross-Fat Games
The Cross-Fat Games combine High-Intensity Interval Eating with Olympic beer drinking and plyometric sundae snacking. The inaugural games were won by the rubinesque Colon who narrowly beat out former Lions QB Scott Mitchell, who is apparently now huge.
